How to Live in the Moment
Updated: Nov 29, 2018
"Annnnnd exhale quickly, keep going, keep going" the respiratory therapist explained while administering my PFTs last week.
I tried to exhale as long as possible, only to get red in the face and endure a coughing attack that rendered the test, almost useless.
I didn't need to see the test results on the computer monitor to know my lungs were riddled with another infection. My raucous cough would wake me up in the middle of the night. I was always lethargic. Some days, the thought of showering and driving to meet up with a client or friend were too much to bear.
But I neglected knowing the truth.
I had a one week trip to Costa Rica planned with Jeff in just four days.
The choice was ours. Immediate IV antibiotics in the hospital and no trip, oral antibiotics with nasty side effects and the trip, no antibiotics and take the trip.
After a long discussion, we agreed to dance the line between micro-managing my health and living All. In.
Here's the kicker.
Side effects:
Severe rashes and burns if exposed to sunlight.
Tendon ruptures.
Sensitivity to heat.
Activities planned:
Soaking up the sun: boating & beaching.
Intense hiking.
Intense heat (it's 93 today).
Fail.
That's the thing about life. It doesn't go as planned.
Cystic Fibrosis doesn't take a vacation, even if I want to.
Cystic Fibrosis doesn't care if I want to frolic in the sun.
Hike up a volcanic mountain &
Enjoy the heat.
CF has other plans.
CF wants to see what it can do to me.
And frankly, somewhere between trying to balance health and living, I gave up.
I decided to be "me".
CF can tag along all it wants, but it can't destroy the memories I'm making.
It can rear it's ugly head at the WORST possible time, but at the end of the day, I'm in charge.
I determine my life.
I determine how much sunshine to get.
How many howler monkeys I want to see at the top of a volcano.
How hot I want my life to be.
So here we are...in Costa Rica... for 8 days.
It's day 3 and I'm fading fast.
Despite bottles of sunscreen and minimizing the intense hiking, I have a huge rash and I'm more of a lobster than a bronze goddess.
And it's okay.
When you choose what you give your power to, when you choose what to focus on, it's amazing how great you can feel when the odds are against you.
P.s. If anyone's been to this country, let me know any tips on what I should do next.
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