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How to Build Confidence

Updated: Feb 9, 2019

Recently, I was asked to speak at the annual midwestern EO conference known as Xcentric.




EO St. Louis Xcentric keynote- Klyn Elsbury



It was an electrifying few days, mixing inspiration and tactical business advice, with entrepreneurs who if I'm being completely honest, were so POWERFUL - that at times, I felt "less than."

Even as a keynote speaker, I am trapped from time to time in my thoughts of not being enough. Not being inspirational enough, thin enough, revenue-producing enough.


I feel socially awkward at times, finding myself just hoping the person I'm interacting with knows what to say next so I don't have to sound ridiculous.


I question what I'm wearing. Pretty sure I'm the only chick who speaks in Payless ballet flats. And did you see the "train" on my blazer? Is it even called a train?


I question if my words were powerful enough to help these entrepreneurs radically transform their businesses and life. And if my tonality at the right place in my presentation matched the urgency in my heart.


Heck...I question if this blog is good enough to keep reading.


Towards the end of the event, a beautiful soul approached me with the statement, "you were my favorite speaker. I've felt like such an underachiever lately, and I admire how you do it."


Me?!


Later on, I got an email from said person. They went into detail about how hard they are working, the things they are dedicating their time to, the family they are supporting.


This person is ANYTHING but an underachiever.


In fact, they are doing way more than I am.


And it hits me...


How deep does this pattern go?

If I'm feeling less than, and my new friend is less than, than if 1x1 still = 1 , it cancels out. Right?!


If everyone feels less than at times, can't we chalk it up to just the human experience and get over with it?


Recognize the "less than" or "not enough" chatter in our brain when it arises and think, "HHHMMMMM, that's a peculiar statement..." and send it back out of our heads where it came in.


Is this a statement that has been creeping up randomly throughout human history?


Is it fear in disguise?


Because the statement only has power if we let it have power.


We all get caught up in this thought process that somehow we aren't "enough" compared to those we follow on social, those we meet for wine, and even those we love.  


And it's defeating. 


But it doesn't have to be. 


Here's where it gets personal.


I have a brag book.  It's a journal I bust out when I'm feeling down or "less than" someone else. 

Maybe its a fat day, maybe I'm frustrated because I can't seem to get booked as much as other speakers (I've applied for and been rejected by like 200 ted talks), maybe it's because my boyfriends company is bigger than mine (legit, it is)...


And I open my book and think of 50 things I love about myself that I am crushing it on. 

I get a sweet white, and write until I have 50. 


Things like "my wrists are the perfect size."  or "I can efficiently do laundry and cook" or "I applied for 3 speaking opportunities" . 

Things I crush it at.  


Seriously, I'm an amazing cook.


And then I just reread that list until I believe in myself again. 


Not many people know about my list.   But now, with my email campaigns, much more will.

Trust me...there's some weird shit on it. 


And maybe by the time I'm done it's the wine talking or it's myself talking...but I remember how far I've come. I remember why Jesse Itzler said, "you didn't come this far to only come this far..." Our doubts and fears can spiral if we let it.

But so can our opportunities.


Choose what we feed. Get your brag book and let your ego have a wild ride.

You deserve it.

You, are enough!


Pretty sure I'll never be as great as John O' Leary - but I have better hair :)



Want Even More?

1. I AM ____: The Untold Story of Success is my best-selling book that went viral in 2016; it takes real-life stories of successful influencers during their darkest times and puts it against the backstory of dealing with the terminal illness, Cystic Fibrosis.

2. The Happy Factor: Counter-Intuitive Strategies for Lasting Happiness is coming to San Diego on October 11th. This 1 day workshop promises to: Help you unlock your purpose and discover your why

Feel more gratitude

Grow in your career 

Develop stronger relationships with your coworkers and your family

Be happier at work and at home

Tickets can be purchased here.

3. Inspirational Keynote for Entrepreneurs Organization 

4. Soft- Opening of YOUR LIFE ALL IN an online boutique of inspirational products to help you or your organization continuously grow


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